Winter break

Winter break this year has been such a joy. Owen has been doing so many new things, like sitting up and starting to scoot or do an army crawl. He started a chewing motion with his mouth a couple of days ago and is really singing a lot and doing syllables like baa, gaa, and daa daa. The first week we had his 6 month appt. with Dr. Diab. The rest of the week was mostly about Christmas preparations and viewing local holiday lights etc. Baby's first Christmas was so wonderful and we had a lovely couple of days. My parents flew to Naples on Sunday the 27th for a couple of weeks and we miss them already! This week Derek and I are both off so we are taking advantage to cross off a bunch of things on our list. Right now the electrician's are hard at work installing 4 can lights in the living room and two lights in our under the stairs storage closet. Unfortunately it seems I may have a sinus infection. What started off as a Christmas cold with an extraordinary amount of sneezing has morphed into a painful case of sinusitis. Of course it is self-diagnosed but my whole face hurts especially when I cough or blow or bend over. The bones under my eyes are painful. I have had post-nasal drip etc. before but never this facial pain. yuck! so I am going to rest while baby naps and later today we are heading to some friends for a short visit. Love these quiet final days of the year!

Denouement

The tree is trimmed, the fridge is stocked, the Honeybaked ham is reserved. I sit in the quiet, clean room with a glass of Firestone Vineyard Gewurztraminer and savor this moment. The soft lights of the Christmas tree light the room as darkness falls on Sunday. It has been a long time coming. For the first time in nearly five months my mind is quiet enough to hear itself. My fingers move over the keypad like the planchette on a Oujia board, finding the next key without effort. There are no typos, because my mind decides the letter as I type, instead of trying desperately to keep up with itself. Always before, I've been typing with such fervor, such need, that there was no undetermined horizon lying out far in front of me. My beautiful baby boy sleeps upstairs in his woodland room, dreaming perhaps of the light displays he saw last night. It is his first Christmas season. It is my 38th Christmas. Tonight, the magic of Christmas comes alive in the eyes of my darling Owen. He opened his first Christmas gift from his godfather tonight. His strong fingers gripped the reindeer studded wrapping paper as I turned the box away from him, he was "helping" to pull it off. Of course, it went straight into his mouth! Inside was a feely snowman book and moose pajamas, along with a "daddy rocks" onesie with an embroidered guitar on the front. A gift for my son. My son. When he awakens, we will take a walk through our neighborhood to see the lights once more, then upstairs for a warm bath. Once he is in his cozy pajamas, it will be time to put the angel on the top of our tree. Our son will help his daddy, and in just a few years it will be his special responsibility. This is a moment dreamed of in my family for a long time. Tomorrow, and every day for the next 19 days, I will be momma. Not Mrs. Richard the Kindergarten teacher. Just momma. And I am excited about getting to know the momma in me.

This quiet dark time at the end of the year has always held special significance to me. A time for tying up loose ends, going inside, reevaluating, taking stock. And then, on January 1, awakening with the sense of possibility. So I think of this time in terms of taking it slow, noticing the moments of my life. Because, as I yank long sinewy threads of gray hair from my head and compare the benefits of Active Copper, Retinol, and Elastin on my aging skin, I realize that my best bet is to stop worrying about who I am already (since I already am, right?) and just be grateful. Grateful for the giant blessings bestowed upon me, and grateful for the opportunity to serve others.

Christmas 20 Questions

1. Eggnog or hot chocolate? Hot Chocolate.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just set them under the tree? wraps

3. Colored lights or white? Only white.

4.Do you hang mistletoe? If I have any.

5. When do you decorate for Christmas? mid-December

6. What is your favorite holiday dish, excluding dessert? ham cooked overnight

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child? Dressing up my dolls to set under the tree. Santa would bring a new one to join them.

8. When and how, did you learn the truth about Santa? I don’t know what you are talking about! He is still good to me!

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? wheat lights and lots of collected ornaments from throughout the years.

11. Snow. Love it for vacation. Love not living in it.

12. Can you ice skate? Usually I get pretty good right before it's time to go home.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? a gigantic jar of pickles! (and my dollhouse made by my dad, and my kitchen set made by my parents with a working camp sink, and my doctor's kit made by my parents)

14. What is the most important thing about the holidays to you? Family, light, and togetherness

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? peppermint bark

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? all of them! love getting Starbucks and driving around to look at lights.

17. What tops your tree? A contemporary glass and metal angel from our first married Christmas.

18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving? both!

19. What is your favorite Christmas song? Silent Night, The First Noel

20. Candy canes. Yuck or yum? YUM!

I tag anyone who reads this!